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About Pretoria

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Now, neighborhoods vary like moods on a Monday. Old Town’s got quirky brick work and whispers of history. New District buzzes with art and laughter. I sometimes pop over to Happy Hour Lane (yeah, that’s what I call it) for a laugh with some locals. Everyone’s chill and shows a little Michael Scott optimism—world's my oyster, right?

Hopeville Primary pupil shines on the big screen in ‘Greytown Girl’